I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
