Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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