I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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