Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
