i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
