I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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