we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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