we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
