I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My pussy is not your playground.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
