Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
