It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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