oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
