Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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