I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
