it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
