Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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