i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
