I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
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