I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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