The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
