i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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