my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
it was like eating out sand paper
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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