I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
