So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
