Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
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You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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