You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
