I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Text me some of your sweat
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
