Whod you bang
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
