Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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