Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
