I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
