Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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