Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
