It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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