Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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