new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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