hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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