They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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