For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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