I've blown a few things in my day
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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