ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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