I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
