How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
