He kissed a someone with a penis
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
