o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
