Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
