I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
