I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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