Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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