i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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