I should be sponsored by Trojan
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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