I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
