even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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