I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
