so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
