Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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