I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
