We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
