pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
