i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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