i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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