There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
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The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
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You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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