i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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