Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It's just like the Real World with babies
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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