I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
