Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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