I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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