Sacagawea was the original milf.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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