I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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