she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
