Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
