Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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