he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
