i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
