One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
