Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
